iThoughts + movie

Just got back after catching Summer storm. A German film about friendship, Identity crisis and coming out.

I am never a sucker for gay films. Think that most gay themed films tend to protray gays in a flamboyant and tragic light. This is a bit more light- hearted with some self realization towards the end. Love the double edged pun intended.

*****

I finally muster enough courage to collect back my stuff from J. His working shirt that had been hanging at my door ,for a month , was finally neatly folded and returned.

I have never blogged about my feelings on this issue , since problems in our relationship arises. That's me, i guess. I love to blog on watever i feel. But there are many things , that i feel could never be so easily put down in black and white text.

Felt nostaglic when i sam him today. Wanted to go forward and hug him. However, i resumed my composure. Dessie was on the line all along. I am afraid i couldnt take it and tear.

Yes indeed. I love him. I decided to love him the day i told him my innermost feelings. But love sometimes can never be placed with direct relevance with commitment.

I think i am better off alone. I am not self bashing myself here. But i do think that i am somewhat too twisted and morbid for anyone to handle. Self realization i reckon.

With this, today also marks the day I rejected someone upfront. Someone from the gym that has been wanting a date. Its strange that i have never rejected anyone upfront before. I always adopt the " ignore " method. I guess i did not want to waste his time. Neither do I. Just want to work, gym, shop, read, travel and save. My context of the himbolized lifestyle.

nites folk. heavy day tomorrow.