I have been feeling rather down for the past week. I cant wait to knock off work. Hopefully, my weekend is gonna be joyous.

Back to the grind...

Its himbolicious post , so lets just bear with it and roll on the ball !

Current Facewash = Jurlique Ultra Sensitive Face Wash
Current Skincare = Nuxe Moisturiser, Phytomer scrub and La Mer Toner
Current smell = Serge Lutens' Daim Blond
Current body soap = Molten Brown invigorating suma ginseng
Current bag / = Head Porter,Gucci
Fave brand = Calvin Klein [for now]
Current Phone = Sony Ericsson [ i forgot model no]
Current read = 'Sun Tze is a sissy' by Stanley Bing
Latest Movie = C.R.A.Z.Y
Latest DVD = Hsien Yen [ Wedding Banquet]
Latest Album = Eason in concert , 2006
Last holiday = Hongkong
Next holiday = Tokyo/Kyoto
Current mood = Drained and tired

Oh dear, i got all my dear friends startled. I apologized for the previous post.

For me to write it a week after it happened, I guess I have let it pass and , naturally, I have called my dear auntie daily to keep a close tab on my dad's condition. He is fine. If it really did turn for the worse, I have prepared travelling back to visit him, even if its watching him from afar ,to spare him from any stroke.

Not because of love. But I do have my responsibilities. As a son or even a man. It will not faze me. Not a single bit.

All these years living out alone, I have ease any resentment for whatever that had happened.That doesnt equate to the fact that everything can revert back to square one. And there was really none to begin with.

Like what I have said before. I am here smiling to all you ppl, not because my life had been such a rosy one. But because I have always remain hopeful. With this, God has always been nice enough to let me walk on.

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I will talk to him one day. If he wants to. It will be my responsibilty. Not love.

Thanks all you dears. I appreciate it and will keep all your comments in thoughts.

Finally, i have some time to blog a little before bedtime tonight. It is a busy week.

I wanted to write about a couple of movies that I had watched over the past fortnight, but never did find time. I will try to finish up over the coming weekend [ i hope]

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Last Tuesday, I received a very early overseas call from a not-too-likable woman friend of my father. That high pitched screeching sound never fails to irrate me. She called to deliver bad news.

My father met with an accident a week before that and was in critical condition. He was in a coma and I was told to prepare for the very worst. At that split second , i was thinking ," Are you refering to my dad whom I have not spoken for the past 6 years? " That sounded so foreign to me. And to hear it from that condescending voice, I had wanted to flare up.

I ignored her non-stop berating and asked for the specifics. She was unable to provide any details other than the fact of my dad being in a coma. Henceforth, I spent the entire day , calling almost everyone that I still speak to , in my family, and asked.

I finally reached my dear auntie, which promptly got the facts right for me.

There is a blood clot in his brain which results in the coma. Fortunately,he is recuperating and we have still not spoken over the phone.

Its bizzare how I narrate it from a disinterest party view. In fact, I felt really lousy over the past week of how I had felt - nothingness. I feel i should feel a tad more upset though i didnt.

So to watch C.R.A.Z.Y,on a lazy Sunday before attending SMC that evening, saddens me immensely.

I am not sure if my dad will speak to me ten years from now. Let alone hug and accept me.

We can never make everyone happy in our span of life, cant we? Its really about taking things with a pinch of salt.

Both the waitress and Zj were in awe when presented with the cake and flowers. Our not-too-private couple seating at Sun with Moon ,left me feeling a tad shy [ for the very first time] with myself and my surprise. The waitress was a little taken when she presented the heart-shaped cake to a guy [ which she has obviously assumed otherwise] , with me presenting pink cherry blossoms with him blowing the candle. The rest of the ppl looked on as he flushed and took everything in stride.

I have to admit i totally forgot about how crowded that place can be on a friday night. Nonetheless, he loved my mini surprise before both of us adjorned to CitySpace at Raffles City , to celebrate yet another bash - did up by my dear friends, in Singapore, for him.

We had a hearty time. All of us. To see Zj and my friends have becoming friends. Its a very sweet feeling.

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On the jet plane in a couple of minutes time, Zj ended his superfluous 8 days in the Merlion City. Eight days without having time to make his way to Sentosa , neither to Clarke Quay. Though we have The paranomic view at City Space last night , overseeing everything that he hasnt stepped foot on - I 'd wished i could have found more time to do those stuff with him. Nonetleless, he is happy that we found some time together and knowing how I lead my life in Singapore

I have an uncanny feel that I will not see him very soon. I am not too upset with it actually. Not that I see this as transient and ephemeral - but having less expectations for such and letting it go when the time comes rather than holding on to an unrealistic dream that can never materialise. I learn to be more hopeful in some perspects and less in others. Perhaps thats what we call = growing old.

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I am going to whack the gym till dinner time later on. It has been too much satay consumption , enough to cajole to a lifetime.

Happy Birthday Zj!

Ginger flower with Berries

Aphrodisiac Birthday cake

My folks

There are things in life that we can eradicate , to choose and walk away.
Others that we can choose to avert or even not acknowlege its mere existence.
Yet there are issues that we have to deal in bold.
Not because we are encompassed with a decision.
But because it swirls in our bloodstream.
My folks , that is.
And this has always been a grey area in my life , filled with " What if ".

I do not like to dwell back with meaningless questions.
Sometimes , i do hope they never haunt me on a sleepless night.

I am least fazed by their issues these days,
I hardly bother, in fact.
That doesnt equate to the quotient of not loving.

It simply resonates my very intent of living this life.

But, we are all , but, humans.
And that is the greatest flaw ever created.

Photoblog II

Let me just photo blog till I have some time on my own to do a bit of writing :=) Next week.




Outside Mox - 16.06.06


Sun with Moon Cafe - 17.06.06


Da Paolo , Rochester Park - 17.06.06

da paolo at Rochester

Da Paolo@Rochester - 17.06.06


Pardon me but i am uploading these photos in a rush , before jumping into bed. Other photos at my flickr site.

nite folks.

Day 01/09

This ends zj first day in sg. Sweet bliss and both of us are dead beat. We took loads of fabulous photos on his camera. Spend the day with all my great pals. Life can be so sweet :=)

Miu Miu

Wanted to post this sometime back but keep forgettting about it.




Zj's cat - Miu Miu [ In Cantonese] She is adorable!!! But Rosie is still the princess..heh.

I have been so busy since sat. Or to think about it , i have been feeling slightly perturbed ever since i came back from HK. I seems to have thousand and one things to do at both work and leisure and not enough 24 hours to split. Not that i have any complaints but that i have not start on a single page off any books for a month. Blimey, for a very long while , I have started to finally miss them. Gonna start to do a bit of reading on some books, that i just bought at Kino last weekend.

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I can change my job soon - Birthday Planner. I have 3 tiny birthday gatherings to coordinate this month. [ Some of my dear friends are having a hard time trying to face the hard fact of their age flipping yet another digit and i simply adore to remind them on it :=) ]

When we are younger, we always find joy writing invitation cards to our friends ,aka classmates, cordially inviting for birthday tea parties. As we get older , we tend to skip that big bash and rather scrimp that money on buying something extravagant for ourselves.
Will it come a day where we avert any celebration , and deprive our soul of reflecting how wondrous life has begun ** years ago?

I used to talk to EH on this issue. He falls in the third category. No longer bothers.

I gave him a surprise last year , celebrating his birthday with him at Botanic Gardens. He looked thankful , though his inflated ego stopped him from verbally spating out the exact words.

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I like to see him happy. Just like all the rest of my dear friends and loved ones, i love to make them happy. In my very own way , i give my dues to myself and my loved ones.

One always have to hope : that the next birthday will always be happier than the previous. And working on happiness is no easy feat :=)

nite folks. [ 2 more working days to sat ]

SMC @ 25th June .06

As requested from David : Spread the news.

---
The Singapore Men’s Chorus (SMC) is proud to present “Love’s Journey” – an international tour of songs about relationships in all their stages. Building on the success of their inaugural concert, SMC spreads its wings with songs from three continents to entertain you.

Departure Date: Sunday 25 June 2006
Boarding Time: 7.30pm
Departure Gate: Drama Centre @ National Library, 100 Victoria Street
Air Fare: $15

Buy your tickets now through SISTIC Website: www.sistic.com.sg, SISTIC Hotline: (65) 6348 5555 and SISTIC Authorized Agents islandwide.

There were so many photos fliying around the browser and emails. By this time , the post is up, i reckoned i am the last in the community.

It has been a exciting weekend. Both sat and sun. Too short-lived though.

Will write more tomorrow .

I need to sleep right about now.

Nite folks.

Such Stark truth

I detest such labels - straight acting , top , bottom , effeminate etc.

These labels haunt us , queers, since the first day our 'friends' ousted us as outsiders. People generalize us into different category. Right under our very own cherry tree, we put ourselves thru further scrutiny.

All such labels become a premise for adoraton and condemnation. Having an impression of someone else's lifestyle by a mere adjective. At least to me, this is audacity.

A queer being straight acting. It peeved me to be likened to such. Thy shall not be ashamed of being queer to act straight : To don this persona, as to be more accepted by even our very own peers?

The label of top and bottom starts to be used freely this era. No queer in the right state of mind wants to be labelled as a bottom these days. It becomes a general visage people have of bottoms - or whatsoever they have in the vaguest of all impression.

" It is the peversity of the society to inherently denies an integral part of human inheritance." Maurice , E.M Forster

Do we really want to deny ourselves of being 'uniquely me' or 'simply another generic term' ?

Its our own life after all.

20,30 and 40

I like this photo. Its three vastly different people drinking beer on a beautiful Sunday at a little island - Sentosa. That is how i spent my weekend - not basking but baking in the sun, away from the madness of GSS in town. I was reading a bit, looking pretty in my latest micro mini trunk that i bought in HK a few weeks back. David and I fell into a slumber as Shawn lay reading.

Super-expected crap movie - Da Vinci on sat night , with wake up call at ungodly hours on Sunday morning with a super delicious and sinful homemade continental breakfast - that explains how i can dozed off in the beach almost as soon as i lay on the mat. I was super tired.

I waft with the water briefly. After all the fabulous beaches I have swam for the past months around the continent, I can hardly force myself to swim in Sentosa.

Nonetheless, it was still fabulous. Its the company, afterall, that matters.

Oh yes, and that wondrous once-a-month superb lunch !

I cant wait for the next time going there! Zj will be joining us! Yippeeyeah!

Yakking with no brains attached

Bitching with no venom = yakking
Bitching with intended pun = pathetic

"Ugliness starts from skin deep." - My brush with two very ugly being in the gym this morning. Rather disturbed to see how some young chaps tick these days. Absolutely no style. I will leave this topic as such. Nothing i can do about ppl I do not know.

***********

Sister Hau lamented that I have not blogged anything serious ever since I came back from HK. I promised him I will squeeze out something more boring and serious tonight.

Now that the mournful streak is nowhere in sight, it seems that i have limited vocabulary to muse with in my entry. That explains everything - Successful writers are perpetually depressed.

fyi : Webcam still grossly not workable. Arghhh...

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Friends.

In the span of 26 years, I have lived most of my time , apart from my family. Family warmth has always been somewhat other's blessing. An emotion that I peer over thru family dinners of close friends.

As such, friendships have always been a source of comfort and warmth. I believed that God is fair to all - With whatever family warmth I am deprived with : friends , from all walks of life, readily fits in.

I have no qualms that I have been fortunate this life. To have meet countless kind souls. Gave me a helping hand during my pits.

I have hope that all my friendship with my good pals last a lifetime.
Most of the time, they do not.

I am sure no one sees friendship as transient.

At different turns of life, ppl have different pursuits.
They begin to have different level of priorites towards friendship.
Or even different expectations towards friendship.
When two friends start to begrudge ,stop to communicate and mete out their needs and wants,
Friendship is somewhat tainted. We become reserved, wary of the other.
It is perfectly fine to behave this way. Its what humans called 'growing old'.
When hopes become scepticism.
When bosom friends blurred to become potential foes.

I have always been greatly affected when I disappoint a friend. I still do.

However,these days, I try to just do what I can and not dwell back.
For if i have even give the best of myself to my friends, I cant do anything more.
With this, I try not to self bash myself too much , if friends decide to divert walking this path with moi.
I will not pursue further.

That is my rule of thumb, for now.

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I am still happy.

zj , Samantha and their fren - Rita went cycling at Shatin yesterday. Look how vintage and quaint their bicycles look!