Sigh..it has been really bad this week. Its insomnia for the past five nights. I couldnt get to sleep till after four in the morning. I was so tempted to pop an imovan just now. I just hate the feeling of wasting time wanting to zonk out and its taking forever.

The good thing is there is really nothing causing this insomnia more than an overworked mind. It seems that I cant switch off my mind from work even after an hour of reading. I am feeling quite distressed and dejected over my battle with insomnia.

I think if this goes on, i will probably have to visit a TCM doctor for help.

On a good side, work seems to be quite promising , stressful and exciting. And i finished reading Kite runner, The Trial and Hannibal rising during these sleepless nights.

Still, I will have prefer otherwise. I like to get my beauty sleep.

A lifetime

Thats how long it takes - A whole lifetime.

This is what i have learnt during CNY this year and that is the exact sentiment I shared with Mister Lee over xanga just now.

It takes a lifetime of perennial effort to maintain family ties, friendships , love and in general ; relationships.

However tired and reluctant we are, nothing will be sustainable without actions. Words, like what Jason wrote, becomes too trying , forgettable and , eventually contrived.

I cant sleep over the last few days over at my mum's. Everything in my bedroom just storms flashbacks. Like an old movie re-run. I fumbled through my books, my old textbooks , scribble books, empty fish tank, clothes etc. Every single item reminisces of the past I threw behind. Its not a sad thought or even much a regret. But more of the what-ifs?

I still find it very difficult to talk to my folks and each new year lunch and dinner , over the past few days,dampen my mood to a new low. Like what I texted Babe," its the silence that is so deafening and unbearable." Overnight, I became a mute I never knew. And it brings relief when I went to Davids' place and subsequently , dinner and ranting nonsense with my good pals just now.

I called mum just now, trying to tell her bits of today after I left and putting down the phone ,telling myself that it has to be a weekly affair.

At this point, I dun honestly feel the kinship. I guess it takes a lifetime of effort. Or hopefully less.

What matters doesn't really matter afterall

We were on our way home after our dinner last night and this topic popped out and it starts us into discussion.

What matters,most in our life, to us?
In retrospect, I have not given this question any serious thought. I go into each individual day believing that all my loved ones , my work, my habits matter pretty much the same to me. But in the long run- what will actually matter most to me ;I think I have not arrived to a conclusive opinion or even given it a swish.

Everything that revolves around us changes. And with that in tune, all our life priorities change. Subsequently, even what values and principles you cling closely to , may deviate.

Say for example, a few years back, I will work even on Sundays just to ensure that I have a certain amount of money at the end of the day. Anything and everything else comes secondary. Whenever I lost a deal to any competitor, I take it with a foul mood back home. It affects everyone and anything else. Just last week, I lost a deal and I brushed it off rather quickly as there are still thousand and one deal out there to grab. I just went out to Little India and had a rather nice weekend ,not taking it out on anyone.
I see this as the largest change in myself through out the past three years.

I think in our path of life, we find more important things in our life that matters than before and some less important one to discard. There is no affirmative life priorities. At least not in mine.

I am feeling upset right now.

In the geomancy world, 'monkeys' will be brought to great misfortune by "tigers". I only have one "tiger friend" in my life. Not only did he not bring me misfortune , though we constanly bickers over the most trivial matter, I have no doubts that he has only the best intentions for a young chap like me. He taught me so much about life. And he always put everyone's need before himself.

He just gave me a ding this morning after not picking up the phone for the past few weeks saying that he is leaving for Laos. He is tired of his life. He wants to simply disappeared, "vanished into thin air", leaving his very promising career that he has built behind. There is no stopping back. I persuaded him for an hour, but that obstinate streak just wouldnt go away!

His last text before he flies is < Now I can leave everything behind. God is sweet.>

Gosh, he can really make me cry.

About three years back, I met a family who has two kids. One suffering from ADHD and another from dyslexia. They are not local and it is not uncommon that the parents , esp in China, to not suspect anything from the extreme traits of his two kids. In fact, I only got to find out after some medical examination I brought them for about a year back. The parents were utterly dramatic about the entire issue. The poor kids were stricken with fear, thinking that some terminal illness and disease have befallen unto them.

In Singapore , there is an average of one to two dyslexia , another one to two ADHD kids in a class of 40. That is how common an ailment it is in kids of our genetically-modified fast food society.

Naturally, my company or perhaps moi has become very aware and interested in this very small piece of statistical information. I have spent the last 6 months attending seminars , workshops etc. Simply to get a very vague idea on education system provided for such delicate kids. I may not have gone far, but of course, I got a deeper understanding of them and techniques on educating them.

Since last month, I have been trying to find some time every week ,to coach that two kids and two others. It can be a real tiresome but interesting work. I have one teenager boy which simply cannot sit without fidgeting and another two whom simply finds talking a pain.

Naturally, I think I can empathise with the kids who cant sit still :=) I cant sit still for a minute too! But Its so difficult to understand why kids find it hard to articulate. Like what Shaun lament, I can have a mute sitting beside me and I can still chirp like there is no need for his replies.

Hmm..I guess I have to work a tad harder.