A lifetime

Thats how long it takes - A whole lifetime.

This is what i have learnt during CNY this year and that is the exact sentiment I shared with Mister Lee over xanga just now.

It takes a lifetime of perennial effort to maintain family ties, friendships , love and in general ; relationships.

However tired and reluctant we are, nothing will be sustainable without actions. Words, like what Jason wrote, becomes too trying , forgettable and , eventually contrived.

I cant sleep over the last few days over at my mum's. Everything in my bedroom just storms flashbacks. Like an old movie re-run. I fumbled through my books, my old textbooks , scribble books, empty fish tank, clothes etc. Every single item reminisces of the past I threw behind. Its not a sad thought or even much a regret. But more of the what-ifs?

I still find it very difficult to talk to my folks and each new year lunch and dinner , over the past few days,dampen my mood to a new low. Like what I texted Babe," its the silence that is so deafening and unbearable." Overnight, I became a mute I never knew. And it brings relief when I went to Davids' place and subsequently , dinner and ranting nonsense with my good pals just now.

I called mum just now, trying to tell her bits of today after I left and putting down the phone ,telling myself that it has to be a weekly affair.

At this point, I dun honestly feel the kinship. I guess it takes a lifetime of effort. Or hopefully less.