Rosie's sick

Rosie have a fever last night. It was also her first " on heat" period. She was behaving strangely. I tried calling a vet. He was not particularly helpful. I was on the verge of tears. It may not be a life threatening issue here. But her sweating and purring was inexcessant. She came putting her head on my hands, Trying to adjust to her hormonal change whilst running a temp. Not easy for the poor gal.She wants a hug so badly. Not those catty provocative move.. She just want to be reassured.

I was useless. I cant find the hospital and the routes ...I am such a road idiot. I am not good in comforting her..she was so scared and she keeps runnig out of the cot , that i bought along with, while driving.

I feel so helpless..angry with myself. Cant sleep a single wink last night.

Im down wif fever. Just down two aspirin and 3 Da**** and Im*** now. Hope i can wake up.Dun worry,


##

A dear fren leaving,I hurt him, accelerating his decision. .............................................

Himbo's Star product

Star product of this week :

Jurlique Herbal Recovery Gel. A morning and night moisturiser to harmonise the skin. I discover this thru dessie. Its great! I have been having sleepless nites but no face outbreaks yet!

*****

Did a bit of retail today again. Sighh..I know. I shouldnt. But that Bottega woven handphone strip is just so hard to resist! On top of this, a dear fren may be posted out of town for work. Will be gone for three years..so a bit down today.

Himbo's Cat

Rosie is looking pensively out of my bedroom window. Besides eating and cleaning herself, i think thats her fave pastime.

Took this using my new mobile and transfer it via bluetooth. Hehe..neve knew i am so techn savvy.

But, anyway, i love this pic. My mobile wallpaper now.

Himbo's Discovery

Himbo's tip of the day :

When doing spinning or cycling class, it is much more easier to focus on lifting up your legs than stepping down on the pedal.

****

Was chatting with a dear fren yesterday. We discussed on this millionaire dollar question :

" Would you rather be accepted for your eccentricities or to be understood for ? "

I want to be accepted. :-) What about the rest of u folks?

Himbo New Mobile

Just got this phone today. It matches my handphone strap. So happy .. Nice. :-)

Himbo New Spread

Wanted to change into fushia pink. But think its way too campy for my liking. Nothing much today. Gym + combat + Spin. Spin was great. The music was infectiously perky. Saw this gorgeous guy , in the gym, that dessie and I had been eyeing a few months back. We exchanged glances and smiles. No follow up. Kinda nice to keep it like this. Fantasy vs reality.

Had some spare time in the evening. Went to Plaza singapura, wanting to change my auto shut down phone. Only to realize that i left my wallet at home after i parked my car. Peeved.

Tried again to delete my fridae acct. Hope it goes thru this round. My itchy hands never fail to press that url. Deleting my acct may be pure avoidance. But its better not to see stuffs that affect my day. Well, keeping my fingers crossed that it will get deleted this round.

Started on my next book : The Christomanci Series by Diana Wynne Jones . A series of 7 children fantasy tales. Easy read.


;-)

iThoughts + movie

Just got back after catching Summer storm. A German film about friendship, Identity crisis and coming out.

I am never a sucker for gay films. Think that most gay themed films tend to protray gays in a flamboyant and tragic light. This is a bit more light- hearted with some self realization towards the end. Love the double edged pun intended.

*****

I finally muster enough courage to collect back my stuff from J. His working shirt that had been hanging at my door ,for a month , was finally neatly folded and returned.

I have never blogged about my feelings on this issue , since problems in our relationship arises. That's me, i guess. I love to blog on watever i feel. But there are many things , that i feel could never be so easily put down in black and white text.

Felt nostaglic when i sam him today. Wanted to go forward and hug him. However, i resumed my composure. Dessie was on the line all along. I am afraid i couldnt take it and tear.

Yes indeed. I love him. I decided to love him the day i told him my innermost feelings. But love sometimes can never be placed with direct relevance with commitment.

I think i am better off alone. I am not self bashing myself here. But i do think that i am somewhat too twisted and morbid for anyone to handle. Self realization i reckon.

With this, today also marks the day I rejected someone upfront. Someone from the gym that has been wanting a date. Its strange that i have never rejected anyone upfront before. I always adopt the " ignore " method. I guess i did not want to waste his time. Neither do I. Just want to work, gym, shop, read, travel and save. My context of the himbolized lifestyle.

nites folk. heavy day tomorrow.

iReview

Read this in the book i am currently reading.

" In more than 70 countries, same sex relationships are illegal, In nine countries, the penalty is death."

Zimbawe's President once infamously declared that he didnt think that homosexuals had any right at all. In 1992, Caprican Cucu , in Romania, placed a 'lonely heart' advertisement in the newspaper. Marian Mustascu answered it. The two fell in love. Cucu's family reported their relationship to the police. Both were arrested and were tortured in the prison. Cucu was raped many times by fellow inmates. The two received suspended sentences, and their torture was never investigated. Mustascu never recovered from it. He commited suicide two years later.

One of the facts in the world that i hope could be improved in my lifetime.

iSpeaker : JBL Creatures II

Bought a pair of this JBL speaker yesterday. It came with a larger creature shaped sub woofer. It was a steal at $139 ! Its volume adjustment are touch screen as well. Just like my iphoto!

Anyway, went for my gruelling regimen at 9am this morning. I guess my sleeping disorder is kicking in again. Sleeping later. Waking up early. Sleeping less. :-(

Spinning followed by pump and weights. There was a new instructor taking over for the day. I found him mildly revolting and grossly irritating at the start. He reached on the dot. Was whining about his flu and the speaker system. He settled down after class starts for five minutes. I was peeved. Didnt bother looking at him thru out the class though i was right in front of him. Whenever he glances in my direction, i will give my classic mocking look. I mean i was spinning in the morning and i was still carrying even heavier weights than he is.

To the middle of the class, i started to enjoy some nice and tough tracks he selected. His tips on the posture was also quite useful.

I think sometimes i should be less judgemental. Cut my tenacious ,vicious remarks.

It's just a remark. A mere impression. And i bestowed him death penalty even without knowing him . That's my flaw. One of the most glaring one. i think.

i thou about the first day i started work. I may have whined and made even more mistakes than he did.

iHimbolicious

Nothing much to blog about. Rather dry for the past few days. It's gym, work, home. Nothing spectacular extravanganza happening. Silence, like a death plug. I wouldnt say that i adore the extreme silence in my life. But lets just put it that i am comfortable in this quiet solitude. Till the point that i off my stereo while driving. Dessie says its not healthy. I may have a relapse. But i reckon not. I am more stable than a few years back.

Anyway, I started on with another book - 50 facts that should change the world. A current affairs book. My first actually. Never a fan or any sort in politics. But this is so interesting and the articles are all written in laymen term. Easy to comprehend, at least to me.

One of the fascinating fact is : " A third of the world's obese people live in developing world." Rising urbanization fuels the import of highly processed, energy dense food. Lamp and mutton flaps especially..yukes!

iCasino

Gosh! my songs hosting web site has been deleted by some **** losers. Tried to create a new one but it just doesnt register. Give up! Grghhh..

**

Nothing eventful past two days. Feelin a tad better. Guess its the gym regimen and workload up my neck. Have lunch with babe today. Down three plates of baked cheese prawn sushi. So sinful.

Feelin like a himbo these days. Work. Gym. Shop. Thats all so superficial. But I like it this way. Do not have much bytes left to ponder over issues. Absolutely. I aspire and simply adores how the himbo mechanism operates.

1: No sleepless nites. Fear of pimple outbreak.
2. Gym everyday. Yummylicious bod
3. Shop like a prissy gal. Look like million bucks.
4. Not to think. Fear of premature aging
5. Core belief: Ignorance is better than awareness. Fear of white hair poppng up.
6. Love urself *Muackkkss* Simply narcisstic

Just fininshed phone wif dessie. Tellin him how much all my chinese clients were drooling over the up and coming casinos. Amazing how both of us are so bloody self obessed that we hardly bitch about ppl. Just gibbering rubbish about ourselves..hehe

Anyway..on a more serious note. I just finished reading Kafka on the shore. After 3 days of intensive speed reading. Classic Haruki! Think i will read it again after i finish the 20 more new books in my room!

Hmm..kinda contradict my himbo resolution..but heck. Life is such a metaphor. Perhaps i should be the first "As brainy as a himbo"?

Nite folks. Swimming at crack of dawn .

iRosie

Have anyone ever have a strong affinity with your pets that you feel that you understand their barks and meows? Recently, i spent a lot of time with Rosie. I realized every meow she makes seem to represent something different. Like when she is watching music videos in my room and the disc ends. She will meow to urge me to change. When she peers thru the window and i gently pat her, its a diiferent sound altogether. And of course when i beat her for being naughty, she will meow in a mournful way if she thinks that she did wrong. She will also meow angrily and even grits her teeth when she thinks that she is misunderstood.

That's my rosie. Yup, she is watching Eason Chan in Concert now. Listening more intently than I am :-)

***

I learnt more about myself these past few days.

When I am happy, I will talk crap. Talk incoherently.
When I am sad or troubled, I will try to play jester in front of my frens, to make myself the butt of the joke sometimes.
When I am irritated, I will bitch and spit venom.
When I am extremely downcast, I will avoid meeting anyone. Not talk at all.

Nobody likes to be misunderstood. Neither do I. After chatting wif dessie just now, i gathered that i am never the best person in clearing my stand. Guess dessie knows best. We were not talking for 4 years. Due to some bottomed up misunderstandings. In the midst of our cold war, I missed him badly. I would frequently walk and loiter around his house, wondering what he is up to. The obstinate me never wanted to keep in contact, to the extreme that i warned our mutual frens not to reveal my whereabouts to him. Sighh..that's me. Not gonna change.

I believe that time and people has its own way of allowing things to fall in place. If a misunderstanding exists, there is probably more to it than that. There must be much more bottomed up displeasure. Clarifying may or may not salvage it. But time will. Time allows us to rethink and reflect. Let fate determine and weigh ,this friendship or relationship, for us.

Today, I am glad that time has spare Dessie and my friendship. It has never been stronger since.

Not sure this will happen thru out my life, with all my loved ones. But all of us should have faith. Yes. Time and people has their own place. At least that's what i choose to believe

iQuo

" In ancient times, people werent simply male or female, but one of these three types: male/male , male/female or female/female. In other words, each person was made out of component of two people. Everyone was happy with this arrangement and never gave it much thought. But then, God took a knife and cut everyone into half, right down the middle. So after the world has been divided just into male and female, the upshot being that people spend their time running around trying to locate their missing other half."

"Fate chooses man. And the sense of tragedy - according to Aristotle - comes, ironically enough, not from the protagonist's weak weak points but from his good qualities. People are drawn deeper into tragedy not by their virtues. Opedius is drawn into tragedy not because of laziness or stupidity, but because of his courage and honesty. Everything in life is a metaphor."

Excerpts from Kalfa on The Shore

iBooks

Went crazy buying books at Kino today. Bought about fifteen books! Didnt realize until I came home and counted. I am not going to reveal how much i spent [ Dessie is going to kill me when he reads this] but its 'mildly' equivalent to my Gucci togs. Well, at least its not 15 Club 21 apparel pieces. The book therapy should serve me well. i finished reading two books over this weekend.

Was in the gym for spinning and pump again. I am beginning to love spinning. The intensity of channelling all your concentration to the pedalling. Visualizing a beacon of light ahead, that really does it for me.

P.S Dessie, will wait for you to go crazy on clothes when i m in melborne and when u are back *wink*

iTired

Few days back, my mac crashed. All datas deleted. Today, Apple managed to retrieve my work document and songs. But 500 photos in iPhoto gone. Vanished. Like it was never taken before.

Tired. Went spinning and pump again. Just finish work. Going to retire. Nite folks.

iDay

I am feeling downright lousy today. To the verge that i could watch a comedy and still end up in tears. Work kept me busy, and spare time driving in the car was spent talking to Dessie. To date, reckon Dessie is the only chap that could tickles me on a dreadful day like this. Thanks gal!

Couldnt get to sleep last night. Woke up early. Went for weights training, followed by a spinning and pump class. Three solid hours in a gym. Skim milk for the day. Till my particularly sweet flatmate cooks fried rice and leaves some for me. I am going to be a cute hunk with my bulging muscles and six pecs by the end of the month.If this continues.Ha Ha....I have resolved to be a perpetual gym rat cum shopaholic cum workaholic!

I am not going to speculate about the reason behind this sadness. I want to keep to my initial principle of not talking about others in this blog. Only good stuffs about people.About my feelings. My ups and downs.

This new blog song is dedicated to myself .

Folks. I am bushed. Pop two aspirin , am turning in. :-)

爱原来不足够。我们的爱情结晶原来不是只用‘爱’就可开花结果。原来彼此相爱不一定有美好结局。
不说，不代表置之不理。　只因爱放在心中。

iStorm

"Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing direction. you change direction, but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesnt get in, and walk thru it, step by step. There's no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. just fine sand swirling up into the sky like pulverised bones. That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine. That violent, metaphysical storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it. people will bleed there, and you will bleed there. Hot, red blood.You will catch that blood in your own hands, your own blood and the blood of others."

Excerpt from Haruki Murukami - Kafka on the Shore

iKnow

Today, i learnt something new..hehe sound like some preppy school kid..But anyway, I realised there is a difference between tolerance and compromise.

Tolerance Is not acceptance. It is keeping mum about displeasure till the day the bind snapped.
Compromise is acceptance. Tuning our personal perception. Eyesore doesnt bother us anymore.

***

Was chatting with a chinese client today. He was talking about everyone's relief that Mr Tung [Former Hongkong leader] has stepped down. Kinda sad huh..I mean this man did not take a single day off work since 1997. He has probably pleaded to step down umpteen times till his bosses finally accept his tender. Well..i may not know politics more than the clothes that is hanging on me..but blimey..no leave since 1997..

iBook

I just finished reading the last story of Haruki Murukami Birthday Stories anthology. There is two of the short stories that are my personal fave. Angel of mercy, Angel of wrath by Ethan Canin. And of course, the other by Murukami himself - The Birthday Girl.

"Your life in this world began exactly 20 years ago today.it comes but once in a lifetime. It's an irreplaceable day"
Excerpt from the story- Birthday Girl

I like this quote. There is many times , especially when we get older, we take our birthday to be just another day of the year. It does not quite stir that personal touch in ourselves as when we were younger.

I am going to remember this quote. So that i can appreciate my own birthday!

And folks, if someone were to grant you just one wish on your birthday. You cant change your mind. And you only have a minute to think. What will that be then? :-)

imobile: Nokia3230

Nokia3230

I feel like getting this phone. The current phone that i am using currently, has an added feature of auto shutting at erratic times.

Reviews or comments anyone?

iSplurge

Oppps..i admit defeat. Can't resist the Gucci poison creeping into my dreams! Bought the Gucci slipper today! Not feeling guilty though ,Surprisingly, this adrendaline rush perks my day endlessly..at least for today

iDread

Feelin foul today. Just one of the days that i want to be alone but yet feelin lonesome. Went around, wanting to splurge .To reward myself for the busy month. End up not getting anything.

iLoves

Had been a helluva week. More to come. At least till end May. Despite all the lowly ,ugly b*tches that attempted to stamp so gingerly on my weeny salad bowl, i finally start to build back a new set of clientele. It will take a bit more time to rebound. But I will work very hard towards it. Wayeeez to Go, Kenneth!

On the other hand, I am so sick of what i am doing now. Dunno why the fish i still strive so hard in this job. But i guess it's just me. I need that push to know that I am still alive and kicking. I promise myself. Regardless wat, I am going to change a new job. Do something I like. Something unfamiliar. With or without a pay cut. I dun want to end up to be one of the zombies on the street. Aimlessly and pointlessly living their lives without really knowing life.

I want a short life. But a life to be documented with having the courage to step out of my comfort zone. To smile to know that i have contributed my fair share back to the society. Not only in terms of taxes. But thru the passion that work brings along. To know this life is not a waste.

***

Spoke to a dear gal fren today. She is in the middle of an ugly divorce. She uttered out her thoughts in a hardly audible voice.

" Do you think Love is enough? That love can blinds infidelity, met out differences, shoo away demons and temptations. You really think Love is what the media protrays in movies or song lyrics? Love is not even enough to make her husband pay for her kid's allowances. " She burst into sobs again. This dynamic , almost cocky businesswoman in front of me suddenly looked so frail. So shattered. I could visualise all the sweet memories in her tearing apart .

Love. Is not enough. It takes time, determination, money and so much more. And most importantly, Love needs sunlight. If it is God's will never to let this bud bloom and seeds to thrive. God needs to shine on it. If not, It will never be.
You folks agree?

iHoliday + Song

Was chatting with a chinese client today. He is bringing his family for a cruise. Not just any cruise. It is a 7-days cruise to Alaska, departing from Vancouver. It costs RMB12,000( S$3200). It sails thru Hubbard Glacier, Juneau, Sitka. Have this urge to save up for the cruise as well. I have never been on a cruise before..Besides, i wouldnt spend too much other than the package fare. I mean, what can i splurge on in Alaska? Hmmm..okay..a souvenir or two. That's all! It will be just the beautiful landscape, my cybershot and myself! Hehe..

I am daydreaming again..

*****

Anyway, a new song uploaded : The Blower's Daughter. By Damien Rice. It's the soundtrack of Closer. I may love all beautiful and oh-so-extravagant buys. But when it comes to movies, there is only a handful that i love and could watch repeatedly. One of them is Closer. I love it.Every single bit. This stigma of love is beautifully tarnished repeatedly in the film.It actually stirs up a whole chain of emotional upheaval at hindsight.

Hope you folks love this song as much as i do.

iDay : A twist of life

I lost my wallet today. Was in great despair. I love that wallet. The only thing i got for myself during the previous Hongkong trip in Feb. More than ever, there was many pictures inside. Most are polaroid photos. They were fond memories. Some that cannot be revived, Others that can still be re-developed.More than ever, i was upset with myself. Honestly, i do think i am one big muddle head. But ironically, i have never lost my wallet in my entire life. Felt so shitty about it.

Fortunately, during dinner time, someone found it. I heaved a sigh of relief. At that moment, i realised how much i cherish what i could have lost forever.

Life is such, i reckon. To know how much you crave for something only when you lose it.

In Kenneth context:

I gathered many entanglements, including my suave wallet, are a matter of God's purpose and will. For us to lose it and not find it again, it may have never meant to be. For us to lose it and find it again. Affirms that it is is meant to be. It is yours to possess. God's little lesson for us.

Like wat i believe : It will fall in place.

iSong :Mi Mancherai

Folks, if you have the time. Do listen to the whole of this blog song that i have posted. It has been on the repeat mode on both my car stereo and my ipod. I am in love with the melody. Though i know nuts what Groban is singing..Does anyone knows?

iSplurge

Babe and I went for our usual family Tue lunch today. All of you folks should try this baked cheese prawn sushi at Sushi Tei at Paragon. Its yummy! Anyway, I was on a retail therapy mood today. Almost splurge on this Gucci rubber sandal [pic on right..isn't it a beauty!?] if not for the intervention of babe.Thanks babe! She suggests that i should only buy that if i am not going Melborne to visit D next month.

Darn...but i am still thinking of that pretty pair of sandals now..

iStranger- Modified

"To Mr Anyomous,

To give kind words are never my forte, however, i retract back a portion of my blog entry. Not to change your perception of myself. But to give you due respect as a friend."

I received a SMS text message from an anoyomous person a few days back. This person claims to be my secret admirer that reads my blog regularly. I tried calling that mobile number he used to text me. He hung up my call. I tried using someone's else phone to call. It was an unfamiliar voice. It doesnt ring a bell in me a single bit.


Anyway, Mr Anoyomous, thanks for the birthday wishes.

iAffinity

Affinity for Darkness.

Watched Kim 's 3-Iron tonight.He was the same director that filmed Spring, Summer, Autumn and Spring. I loved the previous show. It was wonderful setting. Most importantly, i do think that the director has a knack in fusing the theme of sexuality meets spirituality excellently.

But this is not as good. The main female lead - Lee Seung Yeon , is stuck with a husband who loves her as much as bashing her up. To cut the story short, The male lead , Jae Hee, saves the day. By loving her.

That love sparks out the courage in her...blah blah blah.. The show ends with a subtitle :" Sometimes, it's diffcult to know whether we are living in a dream or reality."

Think that the parting subtitle should not be included. It's such a arghhh.. No!

Affinity for Darkness: That should be the parting line. Till the point that we subconsciously accepts that we can never get out of it. Till we are swallowed entirely by it. Rather morbid thought. But that's a fleeting thought after watching the show.

Sometimes, this hero or heroine comes into our lives to set facts right. But most of the time, we rather let them slip by than to believe that we are not creatures of the dark.

Hmm..i am gibbering nonsense again..

iZipper

Coincidentally, today is zipper 1st Birthday. Brought zipper for a squeaky clean car wash and vacuuming! But it rained after that :-(

Anyway, Happy birthday Zipper!

iDay : A quarter of a century

Today's my 25th Birthday. A super quiet one. No big bash.No wild splurge on chopard or helmut lang. I wanted it this way.

Recent months, i have been preoccupied with work, gym, relationship, holidays etc. I have neglected myself. Have not found time to just space out.

Wanted to spend some time just to do this. I miss it so much! Not having an agenda for half a day. To wake up super late, visiting kinokuniya and browse thru gossip tabloid columns , cute stationary, books etc.

Visited the temple.Love to do this. More these days when i am troubled over issues. It shuts me off from the outside world.

I choose to only meet babe for today. We have a simple and delectable lunch near her work place[ I so adore eating meepok!].Nothing beats a family lunch of two. Nothing.

I love the beautiful card ispy and babe gave. The volatile softie shed a tear when i saw the card - Two penguins with a younger penguin in between. It touches my heart. Thanks babe!

My birthday wish ; To embrace uncertainties of life with a pinch of salt and a graceful smile on the face. To be able to forgive myself for my faults.