e darkest pit

what happened last night was like a tremor descending its way to the darkest pit of my epicentre.
It was a nice friday dinner with babe. I was laughing and talking to jamie about my sheer V-top , haute couture and all, whilst adjorning to another cafe for drinks.

That moment. When i saw him. His laughter, his gray sport shoes and everything that is uniquely him, tore down whatever strength i have garnered in the last 5 months. It came tumbling down - the domino effect.

All of what i could remember of that gruelling 60minutes of drinks , was of being gibberish and talking non-sense.

I left shortly after. I need sometime alone.

I didnt want to go back home as yet, knowing perfectly well of myself. I bought a ticket, went watching a movie, came out not knowing what it was all about.

Before babe called, I tormented myself further by text-ing him. Almost immediately after doing so,I felt extremely useless and silly.
I felt like a wimp , having no responsibilties to upkeep my vouch to my worthiness.

I left the house, roaming the streets till wee hours. It's a terrible feeling to hear birds chirping whe dawn arrives. To know that you are physically and mentally exhausted but yet wide awake.

Life did get better this year, didnt it?
I was , indeed, happy. Not all the time, but , i was generally happy how things turn out. How i grow as a person. How I took baby steps to make a difference in my career and learning to tolerate better in a larger sense.

I walked on, further. Trying to recollect all the fine things and classic people that I have met for the past 5 months. Babe and I started to trust and confide in each other more these days. However long this journey undertakes, I still have my dreams , aspirations and loved ones to breathe on.

I am not going back there. The darkest pit : Where my demon lies.