From David.

If it's dead, don't go digging it up every five minutes to check if there's a pulse. It's dead, walk away. -Richard Templar

幸福搭配悲傷　同時在我心交叉
挫折的眼淚不能測試愛的重量
付出的愛收不回　還欠妳的我不能給
別把我心也帶走去跟隨
每一次和妳分開　深深地被妳打敗


Kiss Goodbye - 王力宏

e darkest pit

what happened last night was like a tremor descending its way to the darkest pit of my epicentre.
It was a nice friday dinner with babe. I was laughing and talking to jamie about my sheer V-top , haute couture and all, whilst adjorning to another cafe for drinks.

That moment. When i saw him. His laughter, his gray sport shoes and everything that is uniquely him, tore down whatever strength i have garnered in the last 5 months. It came tumbling down - the domino effect.

All of what i could remember of that gruelling 60minutes of drinks , was of being gibberish and talking non-sense.

I left shortly after. I need sometime alone.

I didnt want to go back home as yet, knowing perfectly well of myself. I bought a ticket, went watching a movie, came out not knowing what it was all about.

Before babe called, I tormented myself further by text-ing him. Almost immediately after doing so,I felt extremely useless and silly.
I felt like a wimp , having no responsibilties to upkeep my vouch to my worthiness.

I left the house, roaming the streets till wee hours. It's a terrible feeling to hear birds chirping whe dawn arrives. To know that you are physically and mentally exhausted but yet wide awake.

Life did get better this year, didnt it?
I was , indeed, happy. Not all the time, but , i was generally happy how things turn out. How i grow as a person. How I took baby steps to make a difference in my career and learning to tolerate better in a larger sense.

I walked on, further. Trying to recollect all the fine things and classic people that I have met for the past 5 months. Babe and I started to trust and confide in each other more these days. However long this journey undertakes, I still have my dreams , aspirations and loved ones to breathe on.

I am not going back there. The darkest pit : Where my demon lies.

Memories are fulfilled dreams

Expectations are one man's vices.

To sum it all. This phrase spates the entire chunk of my take , on this noun.

Charles Dickens's Great Expectation - Hapless Finn pursuing his unrequited and haughty childhood love, tugs us close to our heart, for eons. In short, we all have our own rendition towards expecting.

It's like the pandora box. It opens up to a whole new vocabulary of sorrow, hope, distress , greed. The repercussion of our cajoled expectations may ripple ten folds. Washing away any sightings of the beauty in the unknown.

Who doesnt wish to live a life without having to expect and all falling in place for us? To walk in the dark and know that light shimmers at the end. I will love to.

Nonetheless, like rubbing salt to the wound, its almost subconscious to elevate our level of hopes in dire to how much issues meant to each of us. We are all , but , mortal. With such in mind, these expectations flow more freely and forms its own judgement, its outcome. More than ever, we make life easier for ourselves. No more self-bashing.

If we could downplay the cognitive of our minds on this, we are gods.

nite folks.



Will you still love me tomorrow - Roberta Flack

Tonight you're mine completely
You give you love so sweetly
Tonight the light of love is in your eyes
But will you love me tomorrow?

Is this a lasting treasure
Or just a moment's pleasure?
Can I believe the magic of your sighs?
Will you still love me tomorrow?

Tonight with words unspoken
You say that I'm the only one
But will my heart be broken
When the night meets the morning sun?

I'd like to know that your love
Is love I can be sure of
So tell me now, and I won't ask again
Will you still love me tomorrow?

(INSTRUMENTAL)

So tell me now, and I won't ask again
Will you still love me tomorrow?

I went thru

I went thru it.

With a left eye bigger and a hoarse voice. I stood, unfazed [looking french chic in my cardigan smart casual work gear] and presented with conviction for a helluva 45 minutes. The board of twelve reached a conclusive opinion of my proposal at 2145hrs. As i was driving back, I was in awe , thinking if all had just been just a dream after popping a flu tablet in the morning.

I suppose i am trying to utilise any remaining exuberance in my debilitating youth. I have to give myself credit for this. [ gym and shopping tomorrow, with a good dinner and movie to go with, perhaps ]I was rather apprehensive this morning , taking the swollen eye to be a bad omen for the afternoon meeting.

Heh..i ram still rather proud of myself for pulling this through. Tha matron gave a 'casual' remark on how my zest and youth intimidates her, and how puzzling it is that i could stand amass at this "tender age"

Though i really think she was trying to be liberal in her flattery, my ego kinda swelt for that nick of moment. Heh..

" But your cutting edge is the pile of experience that i lack ." I smiled.[ My cognitive imperative starts..]

******

It's strange. How unfazed i come to terms with my illness. Most of the the time, I worry how my work will be affected and how i will be a bother for people to have to care for me ,when i fall ill. Its never the main worry - my health. I suppose its high time i see it in another perspective.

One eye Bigger

It's like the weather. Unpredictable as such. I finished work at a quarter of ten last night. Feeling a slight lethargy. I was still chatting wif shaun on the line, animatedly, as i was driving back.

When i woke up this morning - Before i could even walk to my showers, getting ready for another gruelling day, i was sneezing and my entire body is aching terribly. I was flabbergasted to look into my mirrior to see my left eye swollen as well.

This is how our body functions. It does not tolerate, it only accumulates.

And now, i an feeling the entire impact of the late nights, stress, caffeine etc. Hopefully, the yellow flu tablet that i just popped, is gonna knocked me out to twilight , and wake up like all have never really begun.

情永落

"離開你以後彷似餘生無多
從此怎呼吸也都不甚清楚
仍存在世上　還能面對甚麼
憑十巴掌使我　記得痛楚

離開你以後使我獲益良多
付出了以後　永不必問因果
無緣沒故別離　其實為了甚麼
全為了準許你　再愛一個"

《情永落》, 側田

Babe posted this song, intended for himbolicious. Its, i suppose , the lateness of the night. It brought a tear as i listened to ,our new fave cantonese singer , 側田 while i read the lyrics.

"I may walk slower than the rest, but i will not walk backwards." - Lincoln Abraham

In the meantime, the love of my life shall remain to be work, babe and rosie. Thats enough for now.

Nite folks.

cognitive imperative

cognitive imperative - uniquely human , hard-wired instinct

A: " Given the large enrolment of foreigners enrolling in our ****** coming term, i am concerned of the academic and disciplinary impact it has. I have the whole ******'s prestige at stake.......[ The matron ranted on, threw out another two hours long of slimy green puke of slime]
K : " I understand where you are coming from. I know what its like. That immense stress must felt terrible. [ I gave my most sympathetic smile, though i really had wished otherwise]
A: [ After two hours of ranting ] I want your earnest opinion of this.
K : [ I ""pondered"" for a while ] I have heard how much you meant to the previous ***** , your credentials , your portfolio. In fact , i was intimidated to know that i have to deal in dire with you. This will definitely be a challenge for both your **** and myself. But i can see the entire process is going to be really exciting[ I gave her my most charismatic , know-it-all smile]
A: [ the matron starts giggling like a schoolgirl] You are giving me more stress than i can handle !


[ I walked out triumphantly. Though i was cringing. i wondered how i could throw out and , also, swallowed all those bull-shit]

Cognitive Imperative, as proven by Lewis Wolpert , gives us the edge as homo-sapiens. It becomes sheer logic when dealing with an ego bas***d.

Where the truth lies

I had a sedated sunday. Had a restful sleep last night and woke up just in time to go for my usual Sunday's pump. I love doing pump on Sunday. I like to sweat it out and to consciously know that I still have the rest of the Sunday to kill. Its unlike gym regimen on weekdays, always a rush from one station to another. Plus , pump on sunday is not as crowded.

I decided to catch a movie after meeting up wif Babe and Jamie , and before dinner with Cristine. I did not regret it. I simply adore that smirk on Kevin Bacon's face where he acted as Lanny Morris. His intense acting , as previously in The Woodsman, mesmerized me yet again. Colin Firth 's role as Vince Collins was somewhat forgettable. I think he has been too comfortable in his Mr Darcy kind of roles. Or audience , like myself, has stereotyped him to that category. To see him to be in repressive Vince Collins ,looks like a joke. I felt his act in ramming Lanny a tad too clumsy and contrived.

The story unfolds as the movie gets rolling. Somehow, It was an uncanny feel , to think back at the beginning of the movie - Lanny performing doggie style with a gal in a seemingly anal sex pose. Was the director dropping hints or i was reading in between ? I enjoyed the movie anyhow.

Are we talking abt the same kind of love?

I was talking to bro while sending him back home just now. We were chatting and catching up when caught on the topic of moving on.

It gets me thinking while i was lone driving back. Should there be a time frame given to the collapse of a relationship. Could one put down a restraint order to our exhausted, mournful brain cells that it's time to move on and let good memories be kept as there and then?

Till this day, i cannot comprehend how people could just pack their love, swallow back whatever they have vouched, and simply move on with life? Is love, somewhere or anywhere, in their equation?

Blimey, dun we see it as a lifetime anymore? However contemporary and fast-paced our lifes and society have expect of us - We are dealing with love here. Just because we are born in the wake of liberalisation, does this justify that love should be taken oh-so-lightly? How can we simpy de-activate whatever we have invested whilst yet to harvest?

I may not be even good as a hot date or a decent partner. But to me ; Love is simply not one word we go on ranting to every other guy in every other month. Its not about absolute happiness. Its the entire process of being, The twinkle of an eye that reminds you that a thousand squabbles are worth that single laughter. Thats love I am talking about. And that's love or nothing at all , for me.

Walk On By - Dionne Warwick

If you see me walking down the street
And I start to cry each time we meet
Walk on by, walk on by

Make believe
that you don't see the tears
Just let me grieve
in private 'cause each time I see you
I break down and cry
And walk on by (don't stop)
And walk on by (don't stop)
And walk on by

just can't get over losing you
And so if I seem broken and blue
Walk on by, walk on by

Foolish pride
Is all that I have left
So let me hide
The tears and the sadness you gave me
When you said goodbye
Walk on by
and walk on by
and walk by (don't stop)

Walk on by, walk on by
Foolish pride
Is all that I have left
So let me hide
The tears and the sadness you gave me
When you said goodbye
Walk on by (don't stop)
and walk on by (don't stop)
and walk by (don't stop)

Whatever rocks your world mate!

I can never ever get it right when it comes to managing ppl and their feelings. Or perhaps, i am the ultimate flop in existence.

When faced with such intangibility, how does one warrant our actions to be 'correct'? And to vindicate correctness , i reckon, is an understatment.

Eventually, i have to answer to myself. I have to love myself. And that is what , should only matters .

Like wat damon says, "Whatever rocks your world, mate!

Maldives, e last

Amongst the rest of the gems,these are my 2 personal fave pic . The B & W pic of the dock - l love to run , jump , back flip into the water from there..heh. All the silly stunt you can think of. Thats how much i am fond of the sea.

The other pic of myself was taken after the whole afternoon by the dock. I like the ebullient posture and smile , as i lay back at the pole. Just zonking. My kind of bliss. I can never really do that in sg. Perhaps my mind is too preoccupied with every other thing.

This is the last of what i am gonna post of Maldives. Too much of a good is bad.

*********

If i were to describe Febuary's Phuket trip to be invigorating, Maldives trip proves to be absolutely unwinding. I didnt even turn a page of the book i intended to read. I wrote quite a bit though. i wouldnt want to bore all of ya folks with all my crappy travel journal writings. So..tats all folks :-)

Cocoa in colors

This 'Cocoa in colors' series do serious injustice to the actual photos i took. It's shrunk till the essence of it all seems rather lacklustre. Nonetheless, i went ahead with putting this up due to space and time constraints. I wanted to protray the exuberance in beauty of Cocoa in its multitude of colors. Hence, it took me quite a lot of painstaking moments to select only 36 out of 539 photos to upload here. Do click on them to get a better view. These are my personal fave. :-)

P.S I cant show it at blogspot cause of the size of the mast i did. But , do click at flickr here to have a view of them all.

Cocoa in B&W

This idea of snapping Cocoa Island in B & W was conceived when i read the coffeetable book about the island. The man behind the immortalization of Cocoa Island - known only as Eric , is a photograher by profession. He has initial plans of setting up his dream home in this small island . However, he got to know that Maldives, at that time, only allow acquisition for commercial and investment use- he decided to trudge thru with this bold venture. Thru the support and help of his friends and investors, he found the means to open a mini-resort , consisting of 5 bungalows. And i guess the rest that goes along, is a mark on the milestone.

Cocoa Island. Come from memories as such. I hope you folks find the beauty as much as i did.

"I wanted to realise my long-held dream to live on a desert island, far away from civilisation, stress and Europe. I am certainly not the 'drop-out' that people might assume, but simply a hopeless romantic, a dreamer, and a photographer by profession. - Eric, 1979"

Open Doors , Lisa Ekdahl

I dreamt of him last night. It is vivid. I woke up with a heartache. LIfe is unpredictable as such - we call this demon, Emotions.

For you , my heartache.


Open Doors , Lisa Ekdahl

I've seen mountains
I've seen breaches
Distant seas
Uncharted beaches
I've seen light
From many welcome ports

I've been warmed on
Tropic islands

Lost in city's
Sounds and silence
I've been found
On many golden shores

I've lived the stories
Heartbreaks and glories
The happiness and the strife
The tears and the laughter
Of a life

Lately I dreamed
I had tasted
All life's treasures
But still my heart fills me with pleasures
This life's an open door

Muacks to Dorothy and Janet !

Birthday Gifts from Dorothy, Janet and Christy


P.S Janet, i am waering it now :-)

6th things that rocks my world : Knowing that your love for people , around myself, is all worthwhile. Cause they do love bratty me for who I am. And that really rocks my world :-)

Cocoa Island - Maldives Part 2

Sorry folks. i still havent find time to sort out the best pictures and to write a bit on the whole trip. This weekend ..i hope.
*******

Heres some of my room view for starters, tonight :


Room Entrance


Walkway


Living Room


Living Room Sofa


Bedroom up the loft


Loft facing the sea


Balcony leading to Indian Ocean

Cocoa Island - Maldives Part 1

I have been hectic since i touched down this morning at 7. So let's just start with the teaser for now : My hotel room toilet at Cocoa Island.

Ultra-luxe Como Resort at Cocoa Island, Maldives