Here comes WORK!

Holiday ends and work starts to kick in today. Going to be a busy month. Cant wait for my HK shopping cum interview trip on 16 June. Sigh,,till then, i 'd better focus on work and , yes, gym.

Worried abt Leong. He hasnt email me for the last 10 days. Its not like him. Just gonna wait since there is no way i could reach him.

Cirque do Soleil

I watched Algeria during my birthday 3 years back. Wow..time flies. They are back again. Think I wanna watch, provided i am still in S'pore then.

i receive another offer to work in China , 3 days back. It seems enticing enough. The pay, some new job scope, and a nice enough boss [ i think..] and , most importantly,a new environment. Anyway, it's still under sketch. The package will be outlined next week. I have been giving it serious thinking ,abt this, the last couple of days. I just want to outweigh the pros and cons. not so much of only this, but more of whether i really want to leave this place permanently or am i just going thru a down period.

The past half a year has been filled with too much ups and downs. The highlight of CNY and the Bangkok trip . Gosh..i miss that. The downs are way too many, not really worth sharing wif you folks. I reckon Life can never quite reach a equilibrium in everything. With the run of these ups and downs, i grasp a better understanding of myself. Some truth hurts, some haunts, some makes me a better man.

On a lighter note, i went to catch a movie today. Bilmey! Its a whooping $9.50 now! I watched Monster in Law. Light hearted and predictable. J.Lo cant act [ and she should fire her stylist in the movie..yikes!!] but thumbs up for Jane Fonda! And the male lead is so hot!! Yummy!

Zahir hits the stores! + Dramas of life

His new book

Was talking to dessie about the dramas of life today. What is the platform that we are using to judge a person, deeming his actions or behaviour to be 'drama'?

Its relativity. Generally, i think ppl tend to act this way when their emotions overpour, till the point that they cannot or refuse to control.Perhaps to prove a point, to win a fledging love, or just to show that they are experiencing immense emotional upheaval.

People who tend to hate dramatic ppl may jolly look themselves in the mirror. Its the drama that makes life real, makes it humane, realistic. But, definitely, whatever done in excess is unnecessary.

Rosie after her spay

I just picked Rosie up at James Tan Clinic. They are really sweet.I called a couple of times in the afternoon to bug them on how Rosie is doing. I was also late [ inefficient ppl@work ] to pick her up. They were really patient and sweet. I will be Rosie there despite the distance, for her regular eyes check up. They won me over.heh..

She is okay, but not much of herself. She didnt want me to touch her, neither does she wants to go to my room. Vet says its normal. She bled quite a bit during the spay. She is still on heat. I was not aware of this as she has not been whining for the last couple of days. Like wat the vet says, It will take her a few days to recuperate.



Met 2 interesting chap in the gym today. I have seen both of them around for quite sometime. But I never did more than just give them my PR smile. One of them is a chinese gal who is getting married to her Indian fiancee. Fiancee and her will be jetting to Assam [northeast India] for 6 months this coming Oct. She is also a voracious reader. We both love Paulo's Veronica decides to die and thinks that his much acclaimed Alchemist is over hyped. We promise to meet up for coffee soon.

Another is this young chap. I actually got to know him when i bought my gizmos in Applecentre. We chatted again when i went to up my SDRAM yesterday. He gave me a very tempting trade in price for the Powerbook 15inch..but i resisted. Saw him again in the gym and we went for lunch. interesting young chap. Just ended his contract as a combat specialist and looking forward to be an aerobics instructor. It's his passion, or so , he proclaims.

And both say that i look super stuck up when i am in the gym..hmm is that so?!

Whatever Cafe

Whatever Cafe@Keong Saik Road

Was reading and doing house chores for the whole day when a friend of mine, John, called. He insisted that i should not coop myself at home and have dinner with him instead. We went to this vegeterian food + yoga + books + astrology place. Its quite good.Check the website out. [ J, think u will like it. near ur place]

Anyway, the book that has kept me awake last night and reading thru out the whole morning is Mo Hayder 's Tokyo. My first attempt on reading her books. Its fascinating. I just booked two other of her books online:-)

*****
Are loneliness and being alone a single entity? I thought abt this today, while talking to John. I think one is a subset of the other, though i realized that it doesnt have to coexist. I did a lot of self reflections lately. During this two weeks of break from work. I reflected on my direction in life, my fears, my friends and past entanglements. I hate to admit this but most often than not, i do not express myself well to most, esp to the ones i love dearly. I will rather be misunderstood than to clarify. Its my way of handling wif stuffs.

Rosie's Sterilization

Rosie's sterilization op is on thursday morning. Day surgery. Will pick her up at night. Guess its better this way. There is no way she can dissolves her heat. She is home bound. Besides, the trauma of seeing her behaving this way is affecting my mood for the last couple of days. I discussed it wif the vet today. He thinks sterilization deems more appropiate, though i told him that i wanted to keep one rosie junior. But wat about the rest of the 2 to 7 kittens? Am i planning to give the rest away? To whom?

Silly me..never thought of all these. Just thought of seeing rosie having a rosie junior. She is asleep now. Tough day for her. She was whining constantly. I lost my cool too. Hit her. It has been some time ago since i last gave her a tough one. But guess i was really drained. I was kept awake the whole nite yesterday.

Male Cats Wanted

I had a bad day. Rosie is on heat again. Its tormenting me, to see her behave this way. Makes me wanna cry..i am such a big puss. If I cant find a mate for her by this week, i think i have to bring her to the vet to have her spade. Its the ultimatium, but i m quite helpless here. That means no more little rosies..

******
This song from Leo Ku has been on my repeat mode at my car stereo , iPod in gym and ishuffle at home. It kinda gets into me. Commercialized but I just like it, period.

Till i can song host again, here are the lyrics.

愛與誠

其實自己一個更開心　只等你講
其實大家早已嫌大家卻扮忙
恨有多一點碰撞
仍然無聊事幹不敢打攪對方
要是你願意　誠實講一趟
彼此都起碼覺得釋放

不要哭　我也忍得了這些年來的委曲
沒法真心愛下去　只好真心真意的結束

＊別再做情人　做隻貓　做隻狗
不做情人　做隻寵物至少可愛迷人
和你不瞅不睬　最終只會成為敵人
淪為舊朋友　是否又稱心
沒有心　只像閒人
若有空　難道有空可接吻
註定似過路人陌生　你怎麼手震
〔這預告　發自虔誠內心〕

長期被迫戀愛也真比　失戀更慘
長期扮演若無其事般　更困難
是我專登反應慢
明明為時甚晚　牌一早該要攤
再像我伴侶　仍望多一眼
一生都將會記得今晚

*****

Anyway, starbucks fans can try this. not bad. its also low calories.

A light in the Attic with Shel Silverstein

MUSICAL CHAIRS

She wanted to play the piano,
but her hands couldn't reach the keys.
When her hands could finally reach the keys,
her feet couldn't reach the floor.
When her feet could reach the floor, and
her hands could finally reach the keys,
She didnt want to play that ol' piano anymore.

*****
Life. An endless pursue. The trophy of the game is the thrill of the chase.

Overstretched legs

I sprained my ankle yesterday during spinning class. Regardless, stubborn me went for combat class today. Think it aggravates the strain. Think i will just do upper body and give interval training a miss tomo. I hope i can recover in time for the 2hrs bike race day on Monday..

I miss Bangkok!

Dessie sent it to me via msn that day. I love it! We both look so silly in it. But its so joyful. No signs of stress or sadness.

Cheryl had just asked me abt it. All of us agree on doing it at a yearly basis. But maybe..we should change our itinery place to Milan..? [kidding only!] Cant wait till our gathering next CNY!

My Book Splurge

Bought a couple of books during my trip to Kinokuniya. I have been looking for this Albert Camus book , titled The Outsider a.k.a The Stranger, for quite some time. He writes about society problems in Britain in the 80s. Its personified by this quiet white man, who was hanged for a murder he never commits.



This is a The book for all Shopaholics. This is for Dessie and I.

" There was once a lady. Even though the lady was not rich, she was not poor either.
And even though she was beset be the small nuisances of everyday life, she was content enough.
But the lady could not help feeling that there was something missing.

There was a hollowness, an emptiness in her that needed to be filled.She knew that out there somewhere,
was something that could change her life completely. Change her life completely.

Make her whole. Give her meaning.
Perhaps a man..a journey..a spiritual awakening..a holy and mysterious calling..
And then she saw The beautiful shoes..and she knew that they were all she needed.

"Come to us, lady," said the shoes, "and we will make you beautiful too."

"We alone can make you blossom and flourish into a glorious and whole being!"

"But you are so expensive," said the lady." I cant afford you."

"Do you think we should be cheaper? Do you think everyone should be able to afford the happiness, the pleasure, the ecstasy that we can offer?"

The lady used all her money and bought the beautiful shoes!

When the lady got home, she tried on the shoes. instantly they hurt terribly.

"why does it hurt?" she asked the shoes.

"Coz we are here to remind you of our presence!" said the shoes, " to remind you that we make you glorious and to shine and dazzle!"

"you are right!" said the lady.

Despite the agony and terrible price of the shoe, the lady felt better than any man or journey could possibly make her feel.

For the first time, she felt whole again.

@The Shoes of Salvation by Edward Monkton

*****

Heh heh..cute and silly pictorial book i bought today. i cut the story short. Grab the book at Kino! I am gonna grab his whole set tom!

Its a Himbo day!

Went for a swim at the pool today! I was bored and took 50 over pics of myself , in courtesy of my pretty phone! Heh heh..you folks can check it out at my flickr photo website. Narcisstic me!

And this friday is Kino's 20% sale! Books Shopping..here i come!Wheeez

The Dues of life

My very first attempt in using photoshop after uploading the software in my savvy iBook months ago. This was the plant i blogged about yesterday. I gave it a dark background, in contrast to the green of the sprouting leaves. [ J, if you still read my blog..see how beautiful the plant we bought has gotten! :-) ] Anyway, the photo editing technique was quite poorly done. Pardon me. My first attempt. Folks, i assure better to come!

Today was a lovely day. Babe , Casey and I had lunch. We went window shopping after which. It was great. Climax point was when we patronised Hour Glass looking for Chopard Happy Fish Watch! Its a whopping $9800 and they do not have stock for it now. But we got the chance to see the red one. Its a beauty! Even Casey says so! I am so in love with it now! Think i will work triple hard to buy that watch.Heh heh..Himbo conscious kicking in on how i am going to match my wardrobe with it! Hmm..think its new wardrobe time..Kidding lah!

After today's outing, I feel even more comfy with Babe and Casey. It's really family. :-) That warm feeling.

*****

Think Babe blogged about this before. Can love disappear with the snap of time? Can this actually happen or is that the result of repercussions of all the small trivial differences blown out of proportion? Is that person who loses that love streak be labelled The Cad of the relationship?

I think its rather relative. But i always think that both parties are to be blame for any breakdown. The victim that claims to have provided unconditional love may not be knowing wat the other party wants. On the other hand, the culprit may be feeling more hurtful of his loss of chemistry with his or her partner. A failed romance can never be the sole fault of a single party. Its not a pin pointing game. Besides, dragging a loveless relationship may be even more severe a pain for both parties.

There is simply no distinct line drawn between who and wats right and wrong in the collapse of any form of relationship.To those who simply loves to classify and judge other ppl 's relationship are simply not worth our one second worth of anger. They are just oblivious to how a homosapien ticks. its rather pathetic.

After my fair share of experiences in break ups, sometimes, the best way to deal with it is to listen to our heart, Never doubt that tiny voice within.

"Consequences are for one to bear.
Pain is for time to heal.
Friends are here, to tide over it with you.
Everything has its place, in its time. In its place."

I believe in this. I hope all of you do as well.

Nites everyone.

Himbo's streak of sadness

When I got home today, I noticed that the plant, in my room, has sprouted with a new stem, and green leaves. Its beautiful. Its the fruit of my conscientious effort to water and sunbathe it everyday.

I bought this plant with J. Its a pity we parted ways before we have the chance to gilmpse this work of nature together.

I cant help but feel sad over this fleeting thought. I am over him. and i do think this is the best solution for both of us, given that tense air, at that point of time.

Its more about myself. This month has seen me cooping myself from the rest of the world. i wanted to spend some time to think about how i want to live this life from this point. And also to fight my battle with depression and sleeping pills. i am rather proud that i have stay clear those awful pills. I credit this to the taxing gym regimen and heavy workload.

But to be able to trust someone all over again, It seems so distant. i have no doubts that i have so much issues that i cant seem to de-clutter.

life is a drag. But like leong says, Just accept when it fails to reach an understanding.

Himbo Happy Day

Had a happy day today! :-)

Went gym, followed by fave Jap lunch and shopping with babe. After that , met up some pals to ask for advices on future business preposition. Night was drinks and chat with Ed, followed by hard core cyber retail ogling with dessie! Phew, wat a day!

Though i saw a couple of pricey stuff that i fancy, I didnt buy much , except 古巨基 and　容祖儿 cds. I guess its the simple joy to be surrounded by people who cares and accepts you that seems so blissful.

Thanks Babe, Ed and Dessie for the lovely day! I have not been happy , for wat i seemed like eternity. Its refreshing.

Life may not get better by reading another guru book.
Depression may not cease with the improving in the quality of life.
Happiness may not be the splurge on my Chopard watch.
Its a mixture of everything.
Its a balance.

Thats wat i choose to believe in perspective. I may not be the best person to live my life in perfect equilibrium. But i live to think that i could , at least in this lifetime.

Darling, its Chopard!

Mille Miglia Collection

Happy Fish

Which do you like more? I simply love both! So Very pretty!

Himbo 's Idle Day

Have my fair share of relaxation today. Went gym, followed by haircut and pedicure. But not much shopping actually :-(

I have ceased to shop , for my yearly change of wardrobe, in S'pore for the past two years. I was thinking of scrimping on the HK tickets and lodging and doing it here instead. Honestly, I find all the stuff here tad bit overpriced. Besides, Club 21 carries only a limited range of my fave Fred Perry by Garcons and Helmut lang. And most importantly, service is definitely better there!

Just checked out the tickets, Will be going there in 3rd week of june for 4D/3N. i need a new wardrobe. Besides, I may have a job offer there. Should go and try the interview.

Himbo Loves Gym!

I so miss my gym regimen! I have missed it for a week! i am looking forward to thrashing out full blast tomorrow! After which will be haircut + retail + Microdermabrasion + more retail + pedicure ! Yup, tomorrow is my off day! I am going to indulge myself after the past gruelling week!

*****

Do you folks have this habit of sizing people up, without knowing someone? Be it a casual remark or a off-key comment.
I , for one, am guilty of such act.

I encounterd such brute act at work this week. I was labelled inefficient , inexperienced, simply by the digits of my identification card and the youth that is visibly flaunted on my face. I was peeved.

Nonetheless, I emerged the victory one for being the smarter with better aptitude, and of course the cuter, that deliver better results.

Yup, i am one smug cow. But i do give due respect to my work. Regardless how demented my personal life is, i curtail it from work, at least the best i could.

With this, i do realize, more than i used to, how much we should never size people up. Be it on a personal note or at work. Keep our comments and remarks till the vision gets clearer. Regardless, it should never be a personal attack.

:-) Wanna get back to my book.

Current book:

"The bridegroom was a dog " - Tawada

Himbo busy week

Whezz..just finished work. So blo**dy exhausted. Started working since 8am. I am crawling myself to the shower, slapping shampoo +conditioner + body wash all at the same time, after this.Cant wait to zzzz. Early day at eight tom again..two more week himbo! And off to Msia for diving and wakeboarding! Cant wait..nite everyone

Lazy Himbo

Lazy to blog anything serious today..Want to get back to my reading.

Current book : "Kiss the girls" James Patterson.

My first thriller book after moon years. I knida picked this up after reading his love novel , Letters to
Jennifer, a few months back. Not bad. He is quite experimental. Writing thrillers and romances.

Nite Nite folks!

Himbo is well too!

Thanks! Yes. I am better. The perennial fever had subsided. I am getting some sleep finally, without the aid of those colourful M&M sweets. Not much. But at least i have a few hours of deep slumber. Contented with this at least.

My suicidal thoughts are under better control. But like wat i wrote to kian and Leong, I started preparing for this uneventful day. I think its logical for a depression prone guy to do this. I mean wat if i snapped one day, and one life is stashed. I dun want my loved ones to be left in the lurch or anything of this sort. Esp rosie.I am like this protective parent looking fiercely after her. I even posted some bulletins at nearby vets, helping her to find a mate. Yup. I dun intend to get her spade. I want little rosies! They will be as cute as she is.

I do not want to see myself victimized in this depression here. Nevertheless, I want to thank a couple of my loved ones. For just being here, wanting to pull me out of this swirl of mine. At least in spirit. Thank you.

Rosie is well!

tired himbo

bushed. Was super busy. Turning in. Have to spin + combat + pump + weights tom.

Nites folk

The fall of Himbo

I collapsed finally. I meant it literally. After my last spinning class, I suddenly felt faint and blacked out on the way to the changing room. Its embarassing. But i m not really in the mood to be affected by the embarassement. A sweet gym manager offered to drive me back in my car. I declined. I have some work to finish up. Just finished. I am not trying to push myself or any thing to this sort. I just wanted to keep my mind and body tired. And at this point, I just want to be surounded by strangers. All busy with their beauty regimen. Its a bizarre kind of comfort.

i finally broke my rules last night. I took 3 prescribed sleeping pills With heineken and viper thrown in. Ya. I was trying to kill myself. I was popping till the count of three when i remembered Rosie. She was meowing very loudly in the background. No one is going to care for her if i leave. She will become an alley cat again. I remembered a chinese student that i am coaching personally , on his coming exams. I want to see him passing his English papers eventually. I cant just leave.

Depression has stuck with me , almost thru out my whole life span. Just like any other guy on the street that has heredity hepatatis. Nothing to scream or mock for. It's just a lingering illness. I have long accepted it. But it is time like this that it becomes scary. The uncontrollable urge to inflict pain on oneself. To ease the pain. I cant control feeling suicidal. I have been having this urge since young. I guess i have a relapse yesterday. Its scary. Even for myself. Not to be able to control myself. It hapens whenever i cant contain my emotions. I will go berserk. But most of the time, I try to do sports or shop and work , to keep it under wrap.

My inner demon is still urging me to kill myself. But i just cant. The god ,that i believe in, wouldnt want it that way. If not, i would have died long before this. Maybe God feels that i am strong enough to overcome this. I try to convince myself constantly with this thought. That he or she has it all planned up. But honestly, i do hope God can take me away soon. It's like lifting myself and others off this heavy burden. I am looking forward to this day. Morbid but true. Like kaboom..dead before i know it. No more nightmares. No more past. No more future. Period.

I just want to voice my thoughts here. i hope no one will be disgusted or upset over this blog. If anything should happen, i just want my blog web and my diaries to document the mere existence of me.